devo

zebra

[editor's note] The format change is meant to convey a flurry of active story generation (FOASG).
 

devo - chapter 1

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• Marriage suit (like animal suit) lets organisms try monogamy.
• As pit bulls devolve they are distilled into essentials like razor sharp teeth and an unrelenting desire to eat children.
• Mathematicians publicly question the randomness of the Randoms.
• Gays embrace cellular regression because of the wide array of reproductive options.
• Re-education program alters focus from Achilles' heel to other parts of his anatomy.
• Gossip columnists speculate on whether Almondo will lose sex drive as he devolves. Scientists know the answer.
• Floataway Tablets are secretly hidden around the neighborhood. This sparks outrage when people find them, take them, and float away.
• When the entire population of the world devolves into unicellular organisms they will fit neatly into one garbage truck.
• SMB discovers evolutionary numbers.
• The evolutionary number of new Crisco is 46098.
• The finite energy loop theory doesn't apply to lower organisms. They can tap into the unlimited potential energy of all life and matter (which we call residual & unmeasurable).
• Franklin decides that the seas must be sterilized. "We cannot have hordes of pre-existing organisms mucking up our ability to control the oceans".
• The upside down (UD) show, on the SMB channel, requires significant re-tooling of television hardware.
• The degeneration of paramecium macronucleus, once thought damaging, is akin to human aging where wisdom embodies simplicity and clarity -- paring away the non-essential.
• "Looking Out Through My Pellicle" -- a feelgood book about captivity.
• Joni Mitchell refuses to apologize when its learned that all of her songs can be derived from paramecium motion samples taken from Canadian swampland.
• Find your ideal evo-number. Prepare for encystment (this is actual advice from self-help books)
• Most of the multicellular programs at AGTI are canceled while enrollment in invertebrate courses skyrockets.

devo - chapter 2

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• So many fake secret documents have been found (in the neighborhood) that average citizens now question their authenticity. This backhandedly leads people to think the government has been telling the truth all along.
• Permanent contraception (the Shaker method) is now a popular one-generation extinction strategy.
• The calming effect of sexual reproduction is seen even in single cell animals and plants.
• Alex Jones claims that seal dancing creates a hypnotic force allowing people to be manipulated into pro devo thinking.
• New book: "Food and Perception". A how-to book for making acid.
• Monodinium is the most loved, most admired protozoan.
• Microbes welcome devolution because the population changes involved are trivial (in microbe terms). All previous humanoid species are known to microbes but future evolution is unknown -- therefore frightening.
• Cellular regression instantly improves tribal harmony.
• Paul and Ellen have dinner with paramecium and human.
• The cilia "grass skirts" on didinium evoke a Serial-Mom kind of vibe.
• The government stops confiscating how-to books. Instead it secretly writes inaccurate and dangerously false how-to books to destroy public trust in the genre.
• Almondo wrestles, dances with, and makes love to a seal as a publicity stunt.
• Devolution lowers tolerance for modern forms of music.
• Miles Davis lookalikes run for office on TAD. This is the first tipoff that it is now possible to clone human dead -- Jurassic Park style.
• With cellular-regression, human couples lose interest in bedrooms and need sunshine for real pleasure.
• Because of faulty sky/water transducers, porpoises mistake talk of purposelessness for porpoiselessness.
• All activities are redefined from POV of water. For example, flying is swimming through air.
• The vagina is considered the most beautiful feature of a woman. It can be exposed in public but all other skin must be covered.
• After seal dancing what comes next? Some are concerned that other forms of dancing are being overlooked and abandoned.
• THC affects same part of brain where the evolutionary number is stored.
• Joni Mitchell tries to reproduce with zombies (illegal) but finds that she is too old.
• Devo-SM applied to liquefied snowman changes him into Crisco.
• Humans are a minority. The human population is dwarfed by the microbe population.
• Didinium suffers extreme high osmotic pressure after eating a paramecium.

devo - chapter 3

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• Scientists on the verge of discovering evolutionary strong methods get kidnapped by the Terrorettes.
• Organelle never seems like Pat (SNL). She/he is always very male or very female.
• As the median evo-number declines much of modern medicine becomes irrelevant or too narrowly focussed. Demand for veterinarians skyrockets.
• Worrying heightens metabolism making it an ideal chem-free diet plan -- a way to increase your cellular energy.
• What is the function of philosophy for mid-level animals?
• As devolution progresses, everything seems beautiful.
• "Lose Your Will To Live" -- a how-to book for overcoming the survival instinct.
• As the median evo-number declines, worms acquire greater status. But they don't realize that with cells, less is more.
• When synchronized paramecium swimming is analyzed. MAA shuts itself off and refuses to choreograph.
• The vicious cycle of redaction and re-redaction mysteriously ends. All factions silently blame each other.
• Snoring decreases with devolution. Pretty girls wonder if they are still pretty when they no longer snore.
• Neither Condi or Marsha has any intention of voluntarily devolving. They grow increasingly disturbed. Their evo-numbers are now higher than most other humans.
• Uncle Henry's has a new version devoted to garbage trucks.
• Humans who resist devolution are shunned and ostracized.
• Q: Is it possible to devolve KFC into its original living components?
• Husbands leave the house wearing protective pellicles but take them off when out of sight because they dream of being seduced by Arabian women
• The simplicity of Tontonics makes it an ideal choice for the new universal language (replacing Esperanto).
• Animal suits are so accurate that animals begin using them as protective covers and subtle fashion choices.
• SMB suggests using the KFA approach to creating one celled organisms -- or devolving by letting someone cook you into a microbe.
• The concert sucks but the audience is devolving so quickly they think its perfect and amazing. This is analogous to what happens when you smoke.
• Paramecium chooses mates based on factors other than proximity.
• Was didinium actually communicating or was this a PR stunt?
• New Crisco and Floataway Tablets are found to cancel each other out.
• Pit bulls learn to breathe underwater. Is flight next?
• Paul shows Ellen the map that he got from Shawn McCole back in 1988. As soon as she sees it she knows its time to pack and make arrangements.

devo - chapter 4

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• Governments publish median evolutionary numbers daily.
• Zombies are the straw-man argument against cellular regression. Zombies actually have high evo-numbers (and associated characteristics) but they are damaged & unlikely to reproduce?
• Has anyone measured the mating frequency of microbes recently?
• Cellular regression centers spring up. Before the procedure, you put on the animal suit of your target. For example, giraffe, amoeba, lamprey.
• Original components: by using your evo-number along with DNA analysis you can pinpoint your position on the evolutionary tree & devolve to a purer state. Microbes use cell phones. In fact cell phones are based on the same method as standard inter-cellular communication.
• Alex Jones explains the Bilderberg theory of devolution: Devolution benefits the ruling elite who just sit back and let it happen. When everyone else has devolved, the Bilderbergs will rule by natural succession.
• Tribal warfare is on the rise. Some look to weakened central governments for help.
• Painful-sex animal suits are used (deviously) as a species-control-mechanism (SCM).
• Dr. Evil hires clerks to find dead-ends on the evolutionary tree and revive them (branches) using devo-SM and alchemy.
• Alt alt music is supplanted by alt alt-alt (some of which sounds similar to alternative).
• Liquefied organisms retain their shape while internally reverting to translucent liquid.
• Simplification surgery is wildly popular.
• On a trip home from France, Franklin is shocked to find so much living material using seawater without permission.
• Use of KFA leads to a universal method of matter transformation. However, no one is able to find a way to go from simple to complex. Occasionally you hear about it but the inventors mysteriously drop out of sight.
• The point of this book may be purposelessness.
• Photosensitivity enhancement is the most asked for elective genetic surgery.
• Organelle becomes queen of the pirates -- Franklin's dream come true.
• Marsha adopts children from other tribes and has them surgically altered to look like paramecium dancers for her shows.
• When books come back from the CIA all redacted, they are resubmitted because they have changed and need to be re-redacted.
• Bodcast zombies are so small that they get kicked and ridiculed.
• Finally, a document is left in the neighborhood explaining (confessing to) the whole scheme including the tragic ending.
• The organism-per-acre guidelines for microbes approach infinity.
• A review of the literature on microbes leads to the discovery of 10 more animal/human sense organs - including empath receptors and communication organs.
• Scientists were wrong. Animals see in color.
• DG'z invent new drug delivery method called Federlining.
• When women devolve it drives men wild. Mating is fun again.
• New Crisco saved my marriage.
• Bodcasting of penises becomes so popular that its outlawed.
• Who's fighting devolution? The list would surprise you.
• A feelgood subgenre develops in rhythmic plot books, and mantra books.
• Rebels discover foolproof way to identify fake government how-to books -- and write the instructions in a how-to book. Can it be trusted?
• New striped Crisco. Striped new Crisco.
• Devolved humans have trouble with loud music - apparently it triggers fight or flight . Why?
• Slow motion videos of cilia play on all the channels now -- immediately followed and preceded by advertising messages.
• Witches transcode spells into mantra books.
• The Doolittle project (ie, regressing to specific animals to study their speech) is abandoned since there is no way to get the information back to humans.
• Every time you say infarction you lose friends.
• Vision is finally redefined to exclude the use of eyes.
• Viruses hire PR firm to put out a more balanced message.

devo - chapter 5

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• Unicellular animals emote a constant magical sense of well-being.
• When JHK's plots are abstracted it leaves one plot -- itself.
• Inter-dimensional promiscuity allows new relationship options. Now you can worry about who is hitting on your spouse in other dimensions.
• J suggests that freely available teleportation will obliterate monogamy.
• The paradox of the penis -- it gets hard when you relax.
• Terrorettes kidnap stoned housewives to conscript as recruits. Housewives think its fun.
• As humans regress they question the need for history. This explains the lack of written records of the time period prior to 50,000 B.C.
• Alex Jones calls for the elimination of music based on its link to seal dancing.
• Ice fisherman help build the most difficult parts of the flying saucer.
• Eschericia visits the ATP and is led away by security guards in EPA suits
• Rejected children are selected by pit bulls (as food)
• HA bees dispute Almondo and claim that they invented beebop.
• True randomness is purposeless.
• Pit bull with magic teeth bites child. Child instantly becomes rich and famous
• Paramecium are a universal human conduit. Cosmic consciousness is derived from communication links provided by paramecium living on or around humans.
• Dimensional corridors allow millions to fit into OPSW (retroactively) in July 1988.
• The new devo music is not like Devo the band. It is more beautiful and natural like wind
• Debate rages about values of median evo-numbers for humans during the past 2 million years
• You are what you __
• After undergoing cellular regression some new animals wear animal suits which match their species.
• When Almondo seduces a woman he begins to speak slower and slower and gradually shifts into Spanish.

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